1. Be honest with yourself, and accept how you feel. You can’t work with your feelings if you deny that they are real.
2. At the same time, don’t keep going over the negative events, or they’ll start to dominate you, or spiral, and get worse.
3. Don’t react right away – take a breath and count to 10. Make sure you keep control and don’t do something you’ll regret.
4. Try to notice what are triggers and provoke negative feelings – and when you’re calm, try to think through how to cope and deal with these.
5. Think of things that you can do to try and help improve your mood … such as going for a jog, or talking with a caring friend.
6. Remind yourself that you are valuable, and have a lot to offer … and think of all your strengths, and all the good things you have done.
7. Choose just to let go of the past, and try to focus on the present. Don’t let it stop you living, and having a great life.
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Stress is caused by being ‘here’ but wanting to be ‘there’.
Don’t think too much - you’ll create a problem that wasn’t there in the first place.
Relationship Issues: Healthy versus Unhealthy Boundaries
The following comparisons highlight the difference between healthy and unhealthy boundaries.
Healthy: Being your own person.
Unhealthy: Feeling incomplete without the other person.
Healthy: Accepting responsibility for your own happiness.
Unhealthy: Relying on others (especially your partner) to make you happy.
Healthy: Being able to balance separateness and togetherness.
Unhealthy: Wanting either too much or too little togetherness.
Healthy: Having meaningful friendships outside the partnership.
Unhealthy: Being unable to build and maintain close friendships with others.
Healthy: Being able to see and focus on your own, and your partner’s, good points.
Unhealthy: Always focusing on your partner’s flaws and worst qualities.
Healthy: Achieving intimacy without the use of substances.
Unhealthy: Using substances to reduce your inhibitions and achieve a false sense of intimacy.
Healthy: Communicating in a way that is open and real.
Unhealthy: Playing games; being manipulative; not being willing to listen in a non-defensive way.
Healthy: Being loyal and committed to your partner.
Unhealthy: Displaying jealousy and relationship addiction; being uncommitted to your partner.
Healthy: Respecting and accepting the ways in which you and your partner are different.
Unhealthy: Blaming and criticising your partner for having different traits and qualities from you.
Healthy: Being open and asking for what you want, in a clear and unambiguous way.
Unhealthy: Being unable to ask for what you want.
Healthy: Accepting transitions and endings.
Unhealthy: Being unable to change, let go and move on.
No-one wants to hang out with people who make them feel bad about about themselves.
Qualities of a Winning Personality
1. Exhibit integrity – A person is said to have integrity if what they say and what they do are rooted in the same set of core values.
2. Don’t speak badly of others – If you speak badly about others to a friend, the chances are you’ll also speak badly about them. Hence, they are likely to be hesitant in what they share with you.
3. Be an optimist – This doesn’t mean burying your head in the sand. It meanschoosing not to dwell on the negatives, and actively looking for the positives.
4. Make the effort to be helpful – Life is so much sweeter if you’re thoughtful and kind – and we rarely forget someone who’s caring and warm.
5. Set some goals and have some ambition - This is an extremely contagious quality. Not only will you achieve higher goals for yourself, you’ll give hope to others, and inspire them to try.
6. Seek to be compassionate and understanding – All of us face battles and experience hard times. Empathising with others when life is tough helps to ease their burden and renew their inner spark.
7. Believe in, love and respect yourself - If you don’t accept, respect and love yourself, then you’ll send out vibes that you’re inadequate. However, it you love, believe in and treat yourself well then it’s likely that others will treat you that way, too.
8. Persist until you succeed – Although ambition is important, it is not enough. You have to persevere if you’re going to succeed. So when you stumble or fall down just get up and start again. Then keep on going till you finally succeed.
9. Be open minded and willing to learn - If you’re closed in your thinking and set in your ways then you’ll never discover a different, better way .. and you’ll close yourself off to other possibilities.
10. Take responsibility for your life - Blaming others for your problems, or acting like a victim won’t help you to move forwards, and have the life you want. Take control of your destiny. Success is up to you.
Why you should never give up
1. As long as you’re alive it’s worth the fight and effort – While you are still breathing you still have the chance, and the choice, to keep trying until you succeed.
2. Remember to be patient and realistic – It takes time to learn skills and to master something new. Be patient with yourself. It’s a journey not a race. Mistakes are normal; they don’t mean that you’re a failure.
3. You are stronger than you think – You can handle differentsetbacks; you have the fight and drive to keep on persevering until you reach your goal. Don’t underestimate your will and energy.
4. Prove who you are: You’re a winner not a quitter - You don’t want to be known as someone who gives up. So go out there and show them that you’ve got what it takes.
5. If someone else has done it you can do it, too. You know that it is possible. It’s not an empty dream. Plan your journey, break the goal down – and you’ll get there in the end.
6. Believe In Your Dreams – Don’t fall for the lie that it’s all a waste of time. You can be that person who gets the life they want!!
7. There are others in a worse situation than you – Yes - It’s easy for some people; they have more advantages. But there are also other people who are much worse off than you. Don’t be a helpless victim – write the script for your own life.
8. It’s time to prove the naysayers wrong - There will always be people who will try to pull you down. Ignore what they tell you; keep believing in yourself.

